roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
