No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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