I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
