There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
