Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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