you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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