One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
