Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
