hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
