i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
