theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
