it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
