xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
vagina is talking i cant
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
