Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
