I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
