Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
