I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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