saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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