What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
