took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
