Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
