She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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