I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
