Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
