for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
