Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
