Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize