one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
