I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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