She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize