you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
