I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
