She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did I show you my penis last night?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
