we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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