I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
