Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
