Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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