Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
