i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
as a side note pls kill me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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