Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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