Whod you bang
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
