have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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