she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
