the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's the barista slut.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
