I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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