see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
