highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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