She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
