I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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