Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
