At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
