So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
