Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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