If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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