bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
