He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
