And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
