I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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