rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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