Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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