do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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