Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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