i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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