the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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