In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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