yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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