I think I am morally bankrupt
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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