Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
