i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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