Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
