Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
