Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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